I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
