At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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