you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
the liver wants what the liver wants
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
