I hate all girls vehemently.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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