Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
