4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
