The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
worst night to have a conscience
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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