Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
