her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
