ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
time to smoke my breakfast
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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