I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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