I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
