idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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