dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
