People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i believe in u and ur pee
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
