Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Ketchup is God's man juice
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
