I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
