K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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