dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
