He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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