I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
