She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he quoted the bible to break up with me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
