someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
