WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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