I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
