: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
