Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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