Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
