sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just had sex bonerless
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
