Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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