so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
