i already hear my dad disowning me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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