i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize