Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
