I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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