my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
