that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
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Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
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I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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