For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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