If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
