Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The air taste purple.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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