please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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