is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
