I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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