you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Green mimosas i think yes
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
