update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
