i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
