Those balls look pretty dangerous.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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