I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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