I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
