I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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