omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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