why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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