Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
