My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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