big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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