someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
