So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
