why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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