apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
