I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
