Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
