Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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