how hairy? two words: wookie tits
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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