I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he thought i was a dude.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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