hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
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Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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