I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize