I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Randomize
