Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
