this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
