The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
