im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
operation have a gay friend backfired
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
