Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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