fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
