i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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