Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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