Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.