I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good