Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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