I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.