She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
