I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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