Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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