But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
